Well. Today is the day that I start to write my first book. I spent the weekend outlining the plot and…. This is going to be some project, let me tell you. I love to read, I have devoured thousands of books. Smart ones, funny ones, heartbreaking ones, terrifying ones. What I realized today was, each sentence must be special. It must be it’s own journey, it’s own story. No wasted space.
I am that person who likes to move ‘quick, quick, quick’ – And then possibly QUICKER!!! Writing my first page slowed me down and made me realize that I am writing a story, not racing to the finish line. So I will see you all in seventy six years, when I am done, because that’s how long it is going to take. JUST kidding! (kind of).
I am pleased with my first page, I will enclose it below for your reading and perusal pleasure. But before I do that, just letting everyone know, I am on week four of chemo and radiation. So far, so good! I am getting some pretty intense fatigue for sure, I was impossibly tired yesterday and today I am pretty sluggish too, but I am still motoring on and living my life. With all the sleep and rest I am getting, I’m pretty sure I am going to come out of this thing a teenager again!
The weekend was spectacular, it was like one of those really magical, lovely times that you know you will replay in your head a thousand times. We went for an extravagantly delicious dinner at Buca on Friday night, then went out with a friend for some drinks and some laughs. Saturday morning, Saro had to run some errands and he came back with the biggest, brightest, most stunning bouquet of flowers I have ever seen. Filled with peonies and gerber daisies and cala lilies, so much colour it looked like a bag of skittles. He brought me the flowers all wrapped in butcher paper and ribbon, along with a beautiful mole-skin journal with a beautiful little pen, so I can keep it in my purse, and when inspiration strikes, I can write down quotes for my book. You never know when genius is going to hit you square in the face. It was VERY thoughtful and I know I am a lucky girl to have someone who loves me so much and thinks of all the little things to make me smile.
We spent the day house hunting near the beaches. Ideally, in the next little bit, we would like to rent out our loft and buy a stand-alone home somewhere down by the water. An older home that we can renovate and make into something pretty spectacular. We drove around and it snowed just a little, the flakes were fluttering around like you were in a snow globe. It felt like the last day of winter, and armed with coffees and high spirits, we cruised around for hours, up and down side streets, ogling gorgeous houses that we loved. It was romantic and probably a lot more fun than it sounds, but life is all about the simple things, isn’t it?
Here is my first page, for your perusal, and I guess I’m going to get back to it!
The wind whipped around in reckless sheets, ferocious and unrelenting, grabbing ruthlessly at my hair and clothes as I made my way home on that torrid Tuesday. Horns sounded dramatically, a cacophony of noise as I propelled myself illegally across the traffic filled street, ignoring common sense and basic pedestrian law to get myself inside of my warm, familiar home in the most expedient manner possible. Noise from the concrete streets behind me echoed quietly as I entered the lobby, buzzing and gradually almost indistinct as the door gently closed with a sigh of relief. My world went silent for a brief moment, I closed my eyes and gratefully appreciated the warmth and quiet of my home. It had been a very, very long day.
Autumn in Edmonton was a complete disaster, a sudden and resounding disappointment after the few tolerable months of summer. The warmth of spring would sneak in after a long and intolerably cruel winter of bitter snowfall and temperatures so low, your blood would start to move sluggishly in your veins as if you were hibernating. It would quickly meld into hot, dry months of crackling yellow grass and crispy leaves and tepid overcast skies. And before you knew it, one summer day would turn into fall so quickly your head would spin and it was all over for another seemingly endless year.
I had been here for what felt like an eternity, but in reality was just shy of ten years. I moved to this dry heat, ice cold, bi-polar prairie just after my eighteenth birthday, and had been here, waiting in the sidelines for life my to begin, ever since.
I had a marriage for five years, and then I didn’t. It was that fast. The beautiful heartbreak of young love turned to the sputtering reality of adulthood comes so quickly sometimes, it’s hard to come to terms with when it began and when it was over. This was back when love was still some exotic pet kept in the corner of my actual life; something to come home and tend to with some kind words and a few treats, not nearly enough to sustain it’s poor life. Love deserved more than a pat on the head and a few rubs on the belly here and there, it’s no wonder it ran away from me in the dead of night.
I walked up the concrete staircase to the second floor where I made my way down the thickly carpeted hall, lit by pretty little sconces that made elegantly frightening shadows as I passed. I unlocked my front door and swung inside, closing it with a thump behind me, hands trembling as if the wind would chase me in. Keys tinkled in a pile on the counter, jacket strewn on the back of a silver chair, I collapsed onto my white leather couch and closed my eyes. My afternoon breath warmed the cushion next to my frazzled face. Today had been one of those days where there was no room for second guessing or regret, it was a day for doing.
Well, there it is! The rough beginning.
Lots of love to everyone!